Things We Pretend Not to Notice (But Definitely Mentally Log Every Time)
Things We Pretend Not to Notice (But Definitely Mentally Log Every Time)
We massage therapists are masters of serenity. We’ve got poker faces worthy of professional tournaments, but inside? Oh, we notice everything. Like:
That mysterious glitter on your back. Are you coming from a toddler birthday party or a full-on rave?
When you say, “I’ve just been so busy I haven’t had time to stretch,” but your calves feel like they’ve been clenching since Y2K.
The Herculean effort it took to not fall asleep… followed by the snore that gave you away anyway.
When you try to have a deep chat face-down through the headrest. We’re nodding, sure—but we only caught every third word.
That pre-massage nervous laugh when we ask, “Any areas you want to avoid?” and you realize you’re more ticklish than you care to admit.
That dramatic sigh when we find a knot you didn’t even know you had. Yep, that was the tension from your 2019 tax season finally escaping.
When we say, “Let me know if the pressure’s okay,” and you heroically whisper “it’s fine” while clenching your soul.
When you try to hold in a sneeze and it escapes as a suspicious-sounding whimper. Bless you, ninja-style.
That moment of sheer panic when we say “turn over” and you forgot how your limbs function for a full 10 seconds.
We're not judging. Honestly, it makes our day. Because beneath the calm music and lavender essential oils, we’re human too. And now, speaking of that…
Confession of the Week: Sometimes, when a session ends with a perfectly timed chime and the client floats off the table like they’ve just been reborn, we feel like absolute sorcerers. Like we should throw glitter in the air and yell “TA-DAAA!” But we don’t. Because we’re professionals. Mostly.
You’re not “just” a massage therapist—you’re a professional stress whisperer, tension tamer, and circulatory system hype technician. Go out there and knead like the world depends on it.
And if you need a break? Hit the towel warmer, blast the Enya, and remember: even legends need a stretch.
After more than 15 years in the massage trenches, we’ve collected enough laugh-out-loud client stories to start a book series—maybe even a cinematic universe. Now, we’re inviting fellow LMTs to join the madness. Got a wild, weird, or wonderfully awkward tale from the table? Send it our way, and we promise to keep it totally anonymous. Email your story to [email protected] and let’s turn those therapy room moments into comedy gold.
